----- Original Message -----
From: Lainie < ********@tiscali.co.uk >
To: Elrond < hír.e.peredhil@imladris.net >
Sent: Saturday, May 15th 2004
Subject: 'hi from the frozen north' just ain't gonna work for an email going to the frozen north bloody pole, is it???

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Hi guys! (both of you, even though the email addy only says elrond... ^_^;;; I'm not sure I even *have* haldir's and there's not a lot of point cc'ing the same message to the pair of you when you're hardly going to be far apart anyway... =P). Ary said I shouldn't disturb you but I'm dying to know how it's going & I want news (Leg says I'm worse than a fishwife for wanting news, even though it's HIM who's the bloody gossip, but we love him anyway) and such-like, and I should probably calm down now and think about what I'm going to write...

*deep breath* Right. Okay. Sorry for the insanity of the previous paragraph. Ary & I have just half an hour ago got back from an all-day bike hike in the Pennines -- we biked it to the foothills of the mountains then switched boots and hiked all over the place all day; we only got back half an hour ago and it's 10.30pm now! Thank goodness for long summer evenings, I say. Leg was frantic, of course, especially since we ignored our mobiles -- you're not allowed to answer mobiles on bikes. Even though Ary occasionally does. I made him not. I'm a rather mad biker chickie but I don't like breaking the law and it nearly gives me a heart attack every time *he* does. I'm not sure he's yet got the idea that he's no longer above the law!!

Anyway, the bike hike was *brilliant*, we're planning on doing it again next weekend. Leg'll murder us but we don't much mind; Ary can take him. And frequently does. Heheh. (Yeah, they're speaking and all. And all all. It's so cute! If bloody annoying half the time, but sweet...).

Oh, they finally got the insurance payout for their old house! Leg and Ary and the rest of the fellowship, I mean. It took this many months and they wouldn't have it yet if Leg hadn't got sick of my housekeeping standards and gone off fuming to the insurers and demanded upfront payment, yesterday if possible. But of course the old house in Birmingham is a burnt-out shell and the neighbour (Mr PMS! I love his name!!) said he'd be on to the local authorities if they moved back in there anyway, so they're househunting somewhere up here. There's a new estate going up just a bit up the road from me, three to five bedroom places, and I think they're considering there.

Lord alone knows what two moves in as many years -- three if you count the months at my place -- will do to Frodo, but it's something Leg's willing to risk to get out of the range of the dust in my breadbox. And it's something I'm quite happy about, secretly: I'm already going to have to have the front room fumigated after Gandalf living in there... I will miss them, though, when they go. Although that won't be for a while yet. You should have heard the arguments they've been having these last few days, since Leg brought the idea up -- the whole bloody fellowship got involved, even though I've barely seen the hobbits or Gimli the whole time they've been here (Merry'n'Pip have been out on the Newcastle pub scene most of the time; Gimli got himself another night-shift job; Frodo & Sam keep themselves to themselves anyway, though I do notice the garden has looked a lot more respectable these last few months...). They practically raised the roof. And then I had to go and stick my oar in...of course... =S

Leg wants somewhere with at least seven bedrooms ("One for me, one for Merry and Pippin, one for Elessar over there, one for Gimli, one for Frodo and Sam, one for Gandalf, one spare for visitors" -- at which Ary looked like the proverbial kicked puppy and made Leg amend to "One for Merry and Pippin, one for Gimli, one for Frodo and Sam, one for Gandalf, one for Elessar over there and I, and I suppose that'd make it two guest rooms"); Ary sensibly pointed out they can't afford seven bedrooms on the insurance payout anyway; Gimli came up with the rather salient 'where-are-we-going-to-find-somewhere-with-seven-bedrooms-around-here-anyway?!' point. Sam and Frodo want somewhere where they can have a room close enough to Merry and Pip to keep them out of trouble, but far enough not to be disturbed, which is going to mean either soundproofing or somewhere with wings of the house or at the least two gable ends. Sam wants a big garden; Gimli wants somewhere near the coast so he can spend time in the rock-faces and suchlike. Ary said wouldn't that mean Dover; Gimli said well, ideally, but the Northumbrian coast would do at a pinch. I said no, please don't move that far away, what about the places up the road, some of them are five-bedroom. Leg looked at me like I'm insane (I probably am, but still) and said we need at least six bedrooms to have a spare. Gimli looked hard at the ceiling for a long moment and said well, all right, if we can get it down to four for us would you accept a five-bedroom place? Leg considered and said well, if we have to, so Gimli -- GOD BLESS THAT DWARF -- offered to room with Gandalf so they'd only need four bedrooms and be able to have a spare. Then Ary drops the I-would-really-like-somewhere-with-a-double-garage bombshell, Leg goes all snappy-sarky "So you can spend the whole time there with the bike, of *course*, *huh*, well, that is *high* on *everyone's* list of prorities", and the fragile peace shatters...

Still, you don't need to know the grisly details of our domestic crises. Suffice it to say, after the incident with the cherry tree and a bit of archery, and the other incident with the leylandii and Andúril, and the other other incident with the sycamore and Gimli's axe, the whole group agreed to disagree and reconvene to consider it calmly later. (Ary's actually still a good mediator when emergency situations require it! Leg and I think it was the psychological effect of holding Andúril again that made him go all Middle-earthen King-Elessar Lord-of-the-Reunited-Kingdoms-ish, though...). So nobody's actually *not* talking to anyone else, although sometimes things get a bit frosty between Leg and Pippin (they disagreed completely on the real purpose of an enclosed garden and haven't said much more than a cold 'morning' to one another since. But then we rarely see Pippin, so it hasn't made too much difference really). And Leg actually apologised (miracle!!!) to Ary for being snappy about the bike and the garage, and promised to consider it and take it into account and all, and they went off and made up. Ah bless.

ANYWAY, moving on from there...how are you two? Cold? (Oops. Elves. Don't get cold. Forgive my human frailties and my terminally bad memory. How *can* you not get cold?!?! I mean, I don't feel the cold *much* but even I'd be a bit nipped at the North Pole. I mean, you people are *amazing*. But then, you knew that, right?? Arrogant bitches. =P). I wanna see the North Pole! I hope you're taking lots and lots of photos. (Leg said he'd give a fair bit to see either of you all wrapped up in sixteen layers of furs, but don't tell him I told you, or he'll murder me!!). Someday I wanna go there too. I mean, humans *have* survived it before now, and I *am* a total adrenaline junkie... I mean, you're talking to a person who wants to climb Everest and bungee-jump off the Eiffel Tower here (rather surprising all the couples proposing on said Tower. "Jane, will you ma-- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT JUST WENT PAST DOWNWARDS?!?!"). Or the Empire State Building. Or that bridge on the way into Florida, what's it called? The Golden Gate Bridge? (I can see it now: "WHEEEEEEEEE!!! *S*P*L*A*S*H*H*H*H* Aioooooowwwwwyargh W-W-WWWETTTT!!!!! ...... Hey, I WANNA DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!"). And pilot a helicopter. D'you think Lesz might give me lessons? (Er, Elrond, would you *let* Lesz give me lessons??). I used to want to fly a plane, but choppers are *way* cooler. Though not just because of you two. =P

Seen any polar bears? (Are polar bears arctic? Or antarctic? Argh, this from a person who's going off to do marine biology at uni next year! I think I need to learn stuff...a lot of stuff...fast...!!!). Or penguins? (Now isn't it *them* that are either arctic or antarctic? Umm...I'm not sure...eep...). Or anything cool and big and scary like...like...OOOH, any Sasquatch? Wait, they're mountainous, like, Alaska or something. Damn. Ah, well, any and all news will be greatly appreciated!! Hope you're both okay and haven't freaked too many people out by being terminally incapable of freezing to death. =P

fazy just popped her head in and told me if I'm writing to the frozen lovebirds to say hi from her, and that you'd better be looking after yourselves, all right. Everyone else (ary, leg, twins -- they're still here, arbitrarily: they pop in and out as they please) says hi and sends love and/or best wishes as appropriate. As for me, I think I've rambled for longer than long enough now so I'll add my own salutations into the mix and sign off here!!!

Lots of love, Lainie xxx

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Et Eärello Endorenna utúlien. Sinome maruvan ar Hildinyar tenn' Ambar-metta!
"Out of the Great Sea to Middle-earth I am come. In this place will I abide, and my heirs, unto the ending of the world!"
So stand up straight, and for Elbereth's sake PAY ATTENTION AT THE BACK THERE!!